I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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