remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
