I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize