it's like heaven, but drunker
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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