I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
