The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
