He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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