Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think my moral compass just broke
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
