she was so not down for the gang bang
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
