He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
