i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm at about main and main street
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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