She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
