yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize