Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
