threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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