Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize