and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
