I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
