So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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