dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
