so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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