I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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