im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
