u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I could make wine with my vomit
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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