my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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