so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
