Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
