i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
