Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
