i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
