I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my poor anus
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
