Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
