would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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