I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
