i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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