how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
nutella sex= disaster
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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