I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
