There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
