I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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