and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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