Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
