the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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