yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
