Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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