can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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