I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
