Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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