Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
