I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Still dying that you shit outside
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
