I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
