i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
