EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
