is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
