kristin has been a bad kristin
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
