I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize