Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
