There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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