I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
