Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
