I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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