Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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