I want to stick my p in your. b.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
